I am not by any means saying I am a marriage expert. I have learned a lot over the past almost 15 years of marriage, and if all goes well I am hoping to learn a lot more over the next 50. Steve and I have always used two rules that have been quite helpful over the years. I am sure everyone has their own ways of doing things and rules, but these have worked very well for us so far...
1. The Diametrically Opposed Rule! We started using this when we were dating and it seems to have worked well for us. I think in a marriage it's important to let each other have their own lives, make their own mistakes, and basically do what they each want. However, it's also important to compromise, to think of the other person before acting on something, and to sometimes make decisions together. The only way we could think of to blend the ability to do what you want while also making compromises was to institute the diametrically opposed rule. Basically if a spouse wants to do something and the other is absolutely 100% against it (diametrically opposed) then it cannot be done. This has worked fabulous in our marriage and really it's only something we have used a handful of times. If it was used all of the time it would never work out, it's saved for only the things that we feel so strongly about we wouldn't be able to sleep if it wasn't invoked.
2. Rock, Paper, Scissors! You know that game where you throw out a certain hand gesture (rock, paper, or scissors) and there is a winner. We use it all the time when making decisions on who has to do what. Most often it's used for things like, we are sitting comfortably watching a movie and the dog has to be let out, or a kid needs a glass of water. It saves a lot of arguments and resentment. We don't keep track of who does more in these situations, because the rock, paper, scissors game is in control. Steve did try to cheat by studying the psychology of the game online, but it didn't help him one bit.
1. The Diametrically Opposed Rule! We started using this when we were dating and it seems to have worked well for us. I think in a marriage it's important to let each other have their own lives, make their own mistakes, and basically do what they each want. However, it's also important to compromise, to think of the other person before acting on something, and to sometimes make decisions together. The only way we could think of to blend the ability to do what you want while also making compromises was to institute the diametrically opposed rule. Basically if a spouse wants to do something and the other is absolutely 100% against it (diametrically opposed) then it cannot be done. This has worked fabulous in our marriage and really it's only something we have used a handful of times. If it was used all of the time it would never work out, it's saved for only the things that we feel so strongly about we wouldn't be able to sleep if it wasn't invoked.
2. Rock, Paper, Scissors! You know that game where you throw out a certain hand gesture (rock, paper, or scissors) and there is a winner. We use it all the time when making decisions on who has to do what. Most often it's used for things like, we are sitting comfortably watching a movie and the dog has to be let out, or a kid needs a glass of water. It saves a lot of arguments and resentment. We don't keep track of who does more in these situations, because the rock, paper, scissors game is in control. Steve did try to cheat by studying the psychology of the game online, but it didn't help him one bit.
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